BLUE NOW — Neil Bartlett on 30 years of change

When Derek wrote this in his diary, the world was a very different place. In 1993, a diagnosis of HIV/AIDS was a death sentence; the disease was incurable. And there was another sickness that seemed incurable in my home country of Britain, 30 years ago; homophobia. I can remember being shouted at, spat at, because I was gay. I can remember the waves of hatred in the newspapers and on the television. I can remember the fear. My husband and I had just met, but even when we were courting, we never held hands in the street, because it just wasn't safe to do that.

Most of all, I remember how it seemed sometimes that all of the fear and hatred was never, ever going to change.

Well, I was wrong.

Things did change.

HIV became a treatable condition.

Me and my friends—and that included Derek—demonstrated, argued, and protested. First, we got the law on the age of consent changed. Then we fought for equal marriage rights. Step by step, year by year, we cleared the way towards homophobia being the exception, not the rule, and for full civil rights for everyone in our communities.

Without even noticing that it was happening, I even learned how to walk without fear.

And so now, 30 years later, when I think of Derek looking in that shop window and deciding that there was no point in him buying new shoes, yes, I grieve for him. I grieve for all the loves and lives that were lost in those years, but most of all, I think about how things have changed.

I think about walking in others' footsteps, about how things didn't just change like the weather changes, but because Derek, me and all of us made them change.

I think about how these days, my husband and I do hold hands in the street, and nobody spits at us or even notices.